Уловка 22

The Cellar

           "Chaplain,"heannouncedwithmagisterialrigidity,"wechargeyouformallywithbeingWashingtonIrvingandtakingcapriciousandunlicensedlibertiesincensoringthelettersofofficersandenlistedmen.Areyouguiltyorinnocent?"

           "Innocent,sir."Thechaplainlickeddrylipswithadrytongueandleanedforwardinsuspenseontheedgeofhischair.

           "Guilty,"saidthecolonel.

           "Guilty,"saidthemajor.

           "Guiltyitis,then,"remarkedtheofficerwithoutinsignia,andwroteawordonapageinthefolder."Chaplain,"hecontinued,lookingup,"weaccuseyoualsoofthecommissionofcrimesandinfractionswedon’tevenknowaboutyet.Guiltyorinnocent?"

           "Idon’tknow,sir.HowcanIsayifyoudon’ttellmewhattheyare?"

           "Howcanwetellyouifwedon’tknow?"

           "Guilty,"decidedthecolonel.

           "Surehe’sguilty,"agreedthemajor."Ifthey’rehiscrimesandinfractions,hemusthavecommittedthem."

           "Guiltyitis,then,"chantedtheofficerwithoutinsignia,andmovedofftothesideoftheroom."He’sallyours,Colonel."

           "Thankyou,"commendedthecolonel."Youdidaverygoodjob."Heturnedtothechaplain."Okay,Chaplain,thejig’sup.Takeawalk."Thechaplaindidnotunderstand."Whatdoyouwishmetodo?"

           "Goon,beatit,Itoldyou!"thecolonelroared,jerkingathumboverhisshoulderangrily."Getthehelloutofhere.

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