Уловка 22

Major Major Major Major

           Abreastofhistrailer,helefttheditchandwovehiswayspeedilytowardhomethroughthedenseunderbrush,inwhichtheonlypersonheeverencounteredwasCaptainFlume,who,drawnandghostly,frightenedhimhalftodeathonetwilightbymaterializingwithoutwarningoutofapatchofdewberrybushestocomplainthatChiefWhiteHalfoathadthreatenedtoslithisthroatopenfromeartoear.

           "Ifyoueverfrightenmelikethatagain,"MajorMajortoldhim,"I’llslityourthroatopenfromeartoear."

           CaptainFlumegaspedanddissolvedrightbackintothepatchofdewberrybushes,andMajorMajorneverseteyesonhimagain.

           WhenMajorMajorlookedbackonwhathehadaccomplished,hewaspleased.Inthemidstofafewforeignacresteemingwithmorethantwohundredpeople,hehadsucceededinbecomingarecluse.Withalittleingenuityandvision,hehadmadeitallbutimpossibleforanyoneinthesquadrontotalktohim,whichwasjustfinewitheveryone,henoticed,sincenoonewantedtotalktohimanyway.Noone,itturnedout,butthatmadmanYossarian,whobroughthimdownwithaflyingtackleonedayashewasscootingalongthebottomoftheditchtohistrailerforlunch.

           ThelastpersoninthesquadronMajorMajorwantedtobebroughtdownwithaflyingtacklebywasYossarian.

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