Mina Harker’s Journal

           1October. ItisstrangetometobekeptinthedarkasIamtoday,afterJonathan’sfullconfidenceforsomanyyears,toseehimmanifestlyavoidcertainmatters,andthosethemostvitalofall. ThismorningIsleptlateafterthefatiguesofyesterday,andthoughJonathanwaslatetoo,hewastheearlier. Hespoketomebeforehewentout,nevermoresweetlyortenderly,buthenevermentionedawordofwhathadhappenedinthevisittotheCount’shouse. AndyethemusthaveknownhowterriblyanxiousIwas. Poordearfellow! Isupposeitmusthavedistressedhimevenmorethanitdidme. TheyallagreedthatitwasbestthatIshouldnotbedrawnfurtherintothisawfulwork,andIacquiesced. Buttothinkthathekeepsanythingfromme! AndnowIamcryinglikeasillyfool,whenIknowitcomesfrommyhusband’sgreatloveandfromthegood,goodwishesofthoseotherstrongmen. 

           Thathasdonemegood.Well,somedayJonathanwilltellmeall. AndlestitshouldeverbethatheshouldthinkforamomentthatIkeptanythingfromhim,Istillkeepmyjournalasusual. ThenifhehasfearedofmytrustIshallshowittohim,witheverythoughtofmyheartputdownforhisdeareyestoread. Ifeelstrangelysadandlow-spiritedtoday. Isupposeitisthereactionfromtheterribleexcitement. 

           LastnightIwenttobedwhenthemenhadgone,simplybecausetheytoldmeto. Ididn’tfeelsleepy,andIdidfeelfullofdevouringanxiety. 

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