Уловка 22

Thanksgiving

           ThechaplainhadenteredthehospitalwithapaininhisheartthatthedoctorsthoughtwasgasinhisstomachandwithanadvancedcaseofWisconsinshingles.

           "WhatintheworldareWisconsinshingles?"askedYossarian.

           "That’sjustwhatthedoctorswantedtoknow!"blurtedoutthechaplainproudly,andburstintolaughter.Noonehadeverseenhimsowaggish,orsohappy."There’snosuchthingasWisconsinshingles.Don’tyouunderstand?Ilied.Imadeadealwiththedoctors.IpromisedthatIwouldletthemknowwhenmyWisconsinshingleswentawayiftheywouldpromisenottodoanythingtocurethem.Inevertoldaliebefore.Isn’titwonderful?"Thechaplainhadsinned,anditwasgood.Commonsensetoldhimthattellingliesanddefectingfromdutyweresins.Ontheotherhand,everyoneknewthatsinwasevil,andthatnogoodcouldcomefromevil.Buthedidfeelgood;hefeltpositivelymarvelous.Consequently,itfollowedlogicallythattellingliesanddefectingfromdutycouldnotbesins.Thechaplainhadmastered,inamomentofdivineintuition,thehandytechniqueofprotectiverationalization,andhewasexhilaratedbyhisdiscovery.Itwasmiraculous.Itwasalmostnotrickatall,hesaw,toturnviceintovirtueandslanderintotruth,impotenceintoabstinence,arroganceintohumility,plunderintophilanthropy,thieveryintohonor,blasphemyintowisdom,brutalityintopatriotism,andsadismintojustice.Anybodycoulddoit;itrequirednobrainsatall.Itmerelyrequirednocharacter.

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