Уловка 22

The Soldier in White

           IfIhadgottensyphilisoradoseofclapformyfiveminutesofpassiononthebeachinsteadofthisdamnedmosquitobite,Icouldseejustice.Butmalaria?Malaria?Whocanexplainmalariaasaconsequenceoffornication?"Thewarrantofficershookhisheadinnumbastonishment.

           "Whataboutme?"Yossariansaid."IsteppedoutofmytentinMarrakechonenighttogetabarofcandyandcaughtyourdoseofclapwhenthatWacIneverevensawbeforekissedmeintothebushes.AllIreallywantedwasabarofcandy,butwhocouldturnitdown?"

           "Thatsoundslikemydoseofclap,allright,"thewarrantofficeragreed."ButI’vestillgotsomebodyelse’smalaria.JustforonceI’dliketoseeallthesethingssortofstraightenedout,witheachpersongettingexactlywhathedeserves.Itmightgivemesomeconfidenceinthisuniverse."

           "I’vegotsomebodyelse’sthreehundredthousanddollars,"thedashingyoungfightercaptainwiththegoldenmustacheadmitted."I’vebeengoofingoffsincethedayIwasborn.Icheatedmywaythroughprepschoolandcollege,andjustaboutallI’vebeendoingeversinceisshackingupwithprettygirlswhothinkI’dmakeagoodhusband.I’vegotnoambitionatall.TheonlythingIwanttodoafterthewarismarrysomegirlwho’sgotmoremoneythanIhaveandshackupwithlotsmoreprettygirls.ThethreehundredthousandbuckswaslefttomebeforeIwasbornbyagrandfatherwhomadeafortunesellingonaninternationalscale.

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