Уловка 22

Lieutenant Scheisskopf

           TheirmoralewaslowbecausetheydidnotwanttomarchinparadeseverySundayafternoonandbecauseLieutenantScheisskopfhadappointedcadetofficersfromtheirranksinsteadofpermittingthemtoelecttheirown.

           "Iwantsomeonetotellme,"LieutenantScheisskopfbeseechedthemallprayerfully."Ifanyofitismyfault,Iwanttobetold."

           "Hewantssomeonetotellhim,"Clevingersaid.

           "Hewantseveryonetokeepstill,idiot,"Yossariananswered.

           "Didn’tyouhearhim?"Clevingerargued.

           "Iheardhim,"Yossarianreplied."Iheardhimsayveryloudlyandverydistinctlythathewantseveryoneofustokeepourmouthsshutifweknowwhat’sgoodforus."

           "Iwon’tpunishyou,"LieutenantScheisskopfswore.

           "Hesayshewon’tpunishme,"saidClevinger.

           "He’llcastrateyou,"saidYossarian.

           "IswearIwon’tpunishyou,"saidLieutenantScheisskopf."I’llbegratefultothemanwhotellsmethetruth."

           "He’llhateyou,"saidYossarian."Tohisdyingdayhe’llhateyou."

           LieutenantScheisskopfwasanR.O.T.C.graduatewhowasrathergladthatwarhadbrokenout,sinceitgavehimanopportunitytowearanofficer’suniformeverydayandsay"Men"inaclipped,militaryvoicetothebunchesofkidswhofellintohisclutcheseveryeightweeksontheirwaytothebutcher’sblock.HewasanambitiousandhumorlessLieutenantScheisskopf,whoconfrontedhisresponsibilitiessoberlyandsmiledonlywhensomerivalofficerattheSantaAnaArmyAirForceBasecamedownwithalingeringdisease.

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