Война и мир

Chapter 10

           Ifeelmyselfweakandunworthy.ThenourtalkturnedtotheinterpretationofthesevenpillarsandstepsoftheTemple,thesevensciences,thesevenvirtues,thesevenvices,andthesevengiftsoftheHolySpirit.BrotherO.wasveryeloquent.Intheeveningtheadmissiontookplace.ThenewdecorationofthePremisescontributedmuchtothemagnificenceofthespectacle.ItwasBorísDrubetskóywhowasadmitted.InominatedhimandwastheRhetor.AstrangefeelingagitatedmeallthetimeIwasalonewithhiminthedarkchamber.IcaughtmyselfharboringafeelingofhatredtowardhimwhichIvainlytriedtoovercome.ThatiswhyIshouldreallyliketosavehimfromevilandleadhimintothepathoftruth,butevilthoughtsofhimdidnotleaveme.ItseemedtomethathisobjectinenteringtheBrotherhoodwasmerelytobeintimateandinfavorwithmembersofourlodge.ApartfromthefactthathehadaskedmeseveraltimeswhetherN.andS.weremembersofourlodge(aquestiontowhichIcouldnotreply)andthataccordingtomyobservationheisincapableoffeelingrespectforourholyorderandistoopreoccupiedandsatisfiedwiththeoutermantodesirespiritualimprovement,Ihadnocausetodoubthim,butheseemedtomeinsincere,andallthetimeIstoodalonewithhiminthedarktempleitseemedtomethathewassmilingcontemptuouslyatmywords,andIwishedreallytostabhisbarebreastwiththeswordIheldtoit.Icouldnotbeeloquent,norcouldIfranklymentionmydoubtstotheBrothersandtotheGrandMaster.

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