Цветы для Элджернона
PROGRESS REPORT 17
IwantthemtoremindmeofwhatI’mleavingbehind.Ikickedtheboxandscatteredthestuffalloverthefloorandtoldhertoleavethemjustwheretheywere.
Foolish.Noreasonforit.IguessIgotsorebecauseIknewshethoughtitwassillytokeepthosethings,andshedidn’ttellmeshethoughtitwassilly.Shejustpretendeditwasperfectlynormal.She’shumoringme.AndwhenIsawthatboxIrememberedtheboyatWarrenandthelousylamphemadeandthewaywewereallhumoringhim,pretendinghehaddonesomethingwonderfulwhenhehadn’t.
Thatwaswhatshewasdoingtome,andIcouldn’tstandit.
WhenshewenttothebedroomandcriedIfeltbadaboutitandItoldheritwasallmyfault.Idon’tdeservesomeoneasgoodasher.Whycan’tIcontrolmyselfjustenoughtokeeponlovingher?Justenough.
October19
Motoractivityimpaired.Ikeeptrippinganddroppingthings.AtfirstIdidn’tthinkitwasme.Ithoughtshewaschangingthingsaround.Thewastebasketwasinmyway,andsowerethechairs,andIthoughtshehadmovedthem.
NowIrealizemycoordinationisbad.Ihavetomoveslowlytogetthingsright.Andit’sincreasinglydifficulttotype.WhydoIkeepblamingAlice?Andwhydoesn’tsheargue?ThatirritatesmeevenmorebecauseIseethepityinherface.
MyonlypleasurenowistheTVset.Ispendmostofthedaywatchingthequizprograms,theoldmovies,thesoapoperas,andeventhekiddieshowsandcartoons.AndthenIcan’tbringmyselftoturnitoff.
