Цветы для Элджернона

           AlicetellsmeIlieinbedfordaysanddon’tseemtoknowwhoorwhereIam.ThenitallcomesbackandIrecognizeherandrememberwhat’shappening.Fuguesofamnesia.Symptomsofsecondchildhood—whatdotheycallit?—senility?Icanwatchitcomingon.Allsocruellylogical,theresultofspeedingupalltheprocessesofthemind.Ilearnedsomuchsofast,andnowmymindisdeterioratingrapidly.WhatifIwon’tletithap­pen?WhatifIfightit?ThinkofthosepeopleatWarren,theemptysmiles,theblankexpressions,everyonelaughingatthem.

           LittleCharlieGordonstaringatmethroughthewin­dow—waiting.Please,notthatagain.

           October18

           I’mforgettingthingsIlearnedrecently.Itseemstobefollowingtheclassicpattern,thelastthingslearnedarefirstthingsforgotten.Oristhatthepattern?Betterlookitupagain.

           RereadmypaperontheAlgernon-GordonEffectandeventhoughIknowIwroteit,Ikeepfeelingitwaswrit­tenbysomeoneelse.MostofitIdon’tevenunderstand.

           ButwhyamIsoirritable?EspeciallywhenAliceissogoodtome?Shekeepstheplaceneatandclean,alwaysputtingmythingsawayandwashingdishesandscrubbingfloors.Ishouldn’thaveshoutedatherthewayIdidthismorningbecauseitmadehercry,andIdidn’twantthattohappen.Butsheshouldn’thavepickedupthebrokenrecordsandthemusicandthebookandputthemallneatlyintoabox.Thatmademefurious.Idon’twantany­onetotouchanyofthosethings.Iwanttoseethempileup.