PROGRESS REPORT 13

           June10

           We’reonaStrato-jetabouttotakeoffforChicago.IowethisprogressreporttoBurtwhohadthebrightideathatIcoulddictatethisonatransistortaperecorderandhaveapublicstenographerinChicagotypeitup.Nemurlikestheidea.Infact,hewantsmetousetherecorderuptothelastminute.Hefeelsitwilladdtothereportiftheyplaythemostrecenttapeattheendofthesession.

           SohereIam,sittingoffbymyselfinourprivatesec­tionofajetonthewaytoChicago,tryingtogetusedtothinkingaloud,andtothesoundofmyownvoice.Isup­posethetypistcangetridofalltheuhm’s,er’sandah’s,andmakeitallseemnaturalonpaper(Ican’thelptheparaly­sisthatcomesovermewhenIthinkhundredsofpeoplearegoingtolistentothewordsI’msayingnow).

           Mymindisablank.Atthispointmyfeelingsaremoreimportantthananythingelse.

           Theideaofgoingupintheairterrifiesme.

           AsfarasIcantell,inthedaysbeforetheoperation,Ineverreallyunderstoodwhatplaneswere.Inevercon­nectedthemoviesandTVclose-upsofplaneswiththethingsthatIsawzoomingoverhead.Nowthatwe’reabouttotakeoffIcanthinkonlyofwhatmighthappenifwecrash.Acoldfeeling,andthethoughtthatIdon’twanttothe.BringstomindthosediscussionsaboutGod.

           I’vethoughtaboutdeathofteninrecentweeks,butnotreallyaboutGod.Mymothertookmetochurchoccasion­ally—butIdon’trecalleverconnectingthatupwiththethoughtofGod.