Цветы для Элджернона

           Lateatnighttherearetheoldmovies,thehorrorpictures,thelateshow,andthelate-lateshow,andeventhelittlesermonbeforethechannelsignsoffforthenight,andthe"Star-SpangledBanner"withtheflagwavinginthebackground,andfi­nallythechanneltestpatternthatstaresbackatmethroughthelittlesquarewindowwithitsunclosingeye....

           WhyamIalwayslookingatlifethroughawindow?

           Andafterit’salloverI’msickwithmyselfbecausethereissolittletimeleftformetoreadandwriteandthink,andbecauseIshouldknowbetterthantodrugmymindwiththisdishoneststuffthat’saimedatthechildinme.Especiallyme,becausethechildinmeisreclaimingmymind.

           Iknowallthis,butwhenAlicetellsmeIshouldn’twastemytime,Igetangryandtellhertoleavemealone.

           IhaveafeelingI’mwatchingbecauseit’simportantformenottothink,nottorememberaboutthebakery,andmymotherandfather,andNorma.Idon’twanttore­memberanymoreofthepast.

           Ihadaterribleshocktoday.Pickedupacopyofanar­ticleIhadusedinmyresearch,Krueger’sUberPsychischeGanzheit,toseeifitwouldhelpmeunderstandthepaperIwroteandwhatIhaddoneinit.FirstIthoughttherewassomethingwrongwithmyeyes.ThenIrealizedIcouldnolongerreadGerman.Testedmyselfinotherlanguages.Allgone.

           October21

           Aliceisgone.Let’sseeifIcanremember.Itstartedwhenshesaidwecouldn’tlivelikethiswiththetornbooksandpapersandrecordsalloverthefloorandtheplaceinsuchamess.