Chapter 92

           Ididn’tdomuchtherestoftheweek.TheOaktreemeetwason.Iwenttothetrack2or3times,brokeeven.Iwroteadirtystoryforasexmag,wrote10or12poems,masturbated,andphonedSaraandDebraeachnight.OnenightIphonedCassieandamananswered.Goodbye,Cassie.

           Ithoughtaboutbreakups,howdifficulttheywere,butthenusuallyitwasonlyafteryoubrokeupwithonewomanthatyoumetanother.Ihadtotastewomeninordertoreallyknowthem,togetinsideofthem.IcouldinventmeninmymindbecauseIwasone,butwomen,forme,werealmostimpossibletofictionalizewithoutfirstknowingthem.SoIexploredthemasbestIcouldandIfoundhumanbeingsinside.Thewritingwouldbeforgotten.Thewritingwouldbecomemuchlessthantheepisodeitselfuntiltheepisodeended.Thewritingwasonlytheresidue.Amandidn’thavetohaveawomaninordertofeelasrealashecouldfeel,butitwasgoodifheknewafew.Thenwhentheaffairwentwronghe’dfeelwhatitwasliketobetrulylonelyandcrazed,andthusknowwhathemustface,finally,whenhisownendcame.

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