Chapter 94

           WednesdaynightfoundmeattheairportwaitingforIris.Isataroundandlookedatthewomen.Noneofthem-exceptforoneortwo-lookedasgoodasIris.Therewassomethingwrongwithme:Ididthinkofsexagreatdeal.EachwomanIlookedatIimaginedbeinginbedwith.Itwasaninterestingwaytopassairportwaitingtime.Women:Ilikedthecolorsoftheirclothing;thewaytheywalked;thecrueltyinsomefaces;nowandthenthealmostpurebeautyinanotherface,totallyandenchantinglyfemale.Theyhaditoverus:theyplannedmuchbetterandwerebetterorganized.Whilemenwerewatchingprofessionalfootballordrinkingbeerorbowling,they,thewomen,werethinkingaboutus,concentrating,studying,deciding-whethertoacceptus,discardus,exchangeus,killusorwhethersimplytoleaveus.Intheendithardlymattered;nomatterwhattheydid,weendeduplonelyandinsane.

           IhadboughtIrisandmyselfaturkey,an18-pounder.Itwasonmysink,thawingout.Thanksgiving.Itprovedyouhadsurvived.

           anotheryearwithitswars,inflation,unemployment,smog,presidents.Itwasagrandneuroticgatheringofclans:louddrunks,grandmothers,sisters,aunts,screamingchildren,would-besuicides.Anddon’tforgetindigestion.Iwasn’tdifferentfromanyoneelse:theresatthe18poundbirdonmysink,dead,plucked,totallydisembowled.Iriswouldroastitforme.

           Ihadreceivedaletterinthemailthatafternoon.Itookitoutofmypocketandre-readit.IthadbeenmailedfromBerkeley:

           DearMr.Chinaski:

           Youdon’tknowmebutI’macutebitch.

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