Женщины

Chapter 92

           Iwassentimentalaboutmanythings:awoman’sshoesunderthebed;onehairpinleftbehindonthedresser;thewaytheysaid,"I’mgoingtopee...";hairribbons;walkingdowntheboulevardwiththemat1:30intheafternoon,justtwopeoplewalkingtogether;thelongnightsofdrinkingandsmoking,talking;thearguments;thinkingofsuicide;eatingtogetherandfeelinggood;thejokes,thelaughteroutofnowhere;feelingmiraclesintheair;beinginaparkedcartogether;comparingpastlovesat3am;beingtoldyousnore,hearinghersnore;mothers,daughters,sons,cats,dogs;sometimesdeathandsometimesdivorce,butalwayscarryingon,alwaysseeingitthrough;readinganewspaperaloneinasandwichjointandfeelingnauseabecauseshe’snowmarriedtoadentistwithanI.Q.of95;racetracks,parks,parkpicnics;evenjails;herdullfriends,yourdullfriends;yourdrinking,herdancing;yourflirting,herflirting;herpills,yourfuckingontheside,andherdoingthesame;sleepingtogether...

           Therewerenojudgmentstobemade,yetoutofnecessityonehadtoselect.Beyondgoodandevilwasallrightintheory,buttogoonlivingonehadtoselect:somewerekinderthanothers,someweresimplymoreinterestedinyou,andsometimestheoutwardlybeautifulandinwardlycoldwerenecessary,justforbloody,shittykicks,likeabloody,shittymovie.Thekinderonesfuckedbetter,really,andafteryouwerearoundthemawhiletheyseemedbeautifulbecausetheywere.IthoughtofSara,shehadthatsomethingextra.

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