Chapter 26

           Isatintheairportandwaited.Youneverknewaboutphotos.Youcouldnevertell.Iwasnervous.Ifeltlikevomiting.Ilitacigaretteandgagged.WhydidIdothesethings?Ididn’twanthernow.AndMindywasflyingallthewayfromNewYorkCity.Iknewplentyofwomen.Whyalwaysmorewomen?WhatwasItryingtodo?Newaffairswereexcitingbuttheywerealsohardwork.Thefirstkiss,thefirstfuckhadsomedrama.Peoplewereinterestingatfirst.Thenlater,slowlybutsurely,alltheflawsandmadnesswouldmanifestthemselves.Iwouldbecomelessandlesstothem;theywouldmeanlessandlesstome.

           IwasoldandIwasugly.Maybethat’swhyitfeltsogoodtostickitintoyounggirls.IwasKingKongandtheywerelitheandtender.WasItryingtoscrewmywaypastdeath?BybeingwithyounggirlsdidIhopeIwouldn’tgrowold,feelold?Ijustdidn’twanttoagebadly,simplyquit,bedeadbeforedeathitselfarrived.

           Mindy’splanelandedandtaxiedin.IfeltIwasindanger.Womenknewmebeforehandbecausetheyhadreadmybooks.Ihadexposedmyself.Ontheotherhand,Iknewnothingofthem.Iwastherealgambler.Icouldgetkilled,Icouldgetmyballscutoff.Chinaskiwithoutballs.LovePoemsofaEunuch.

           IstoodwaitingforMindy.Thepassengerscameoutofthegate.

           Oh,Ihopeshe’snottheone.

           Orher.

           Orespeciallyher.

           Nowthatonewouldbefine!Lookatthoselegs,thatbehind,thoseeyes...

           Oneofthemmovedtowardsme.Ihopeditwasher.

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