Chapter 25

           Ikeptthedateinmind.ItwasneveranyproblemcreatingasplitwithLydia.Iwasnaturallyaloner,contentjusttolivewithawoman,eatwithher,sleepwithher,walkdownthestreetwithher.Ididn’twantconversation,ortogoanywhereexcepttheracetrackortheboxingmatches.Ididn’tunderstandt.v.Ifeltfoolishpayingmoneytogointoamovietheatreandsitwithotherpeopletosharetheiremotions.Partiessickenedme.Ihatedthegame-playing,thedirtyplay,theflirting,theamateurdrunks,thebores.Butparties,dancing,smalltalkenergizedLydia.Sheconsideredherselfasexpot.Butshewasalittletooobvious.Soourargumentsoftengrewoutofmywishforno-people-at-allversusherwishforas-many-people-as-often-as-possible.

           AcoupleofdaysbeforeMindy’sarrivalIstartedit.Wewereonthebedtogether.

           "Lydia,forChrist’ssake,whyareyousostupid?Don’tyourealizeI’maloner?Arecluse?Ihavetobethatwaytowrite."

           "Howcanyoulearnanythingaboutpeopleifyoudon’tmeetthem?"

           "Ialreadyknowallaboutthem."

           "Evenwhenwegoouttoeatinarestaurant,youkeepyourheaddown,youdon’tlookatanybody."

           "Whymakemyselfsick?"

           "Iobservepeople,"shesaid."Istudythem."

           "Shit!"

           "You’reafraidofpeople!"

           "Ihatethem."

           "Howcanyoubeawriter?Youdon’tobserve!"

           "O.K.,Idon’tlookatpeople,butIearntherentwithmywriting.Itbeatstendingsheep."

           "You’renotgoingtolast.You’llnevermakeit.You’redoingitallwrong."

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