Chapter 32

           Lyingontheflooroftheflat-carwiththegunsbesidemeunderthecanvasIwaswet,coldandveryhungry.FinallyIrolledoverandlayflatonmystomachwithmyheadonmyarms.Mykneewasstiff,butithadbeenverysatisfactory.Valentinihaddoneafinejob.IhaddonehalftheretreatonfootandswumpartoftheTagliamentowithhisknee.Itwashiskneeallright.Theotherkneewasmine.Doctorsdidthingstoyouandthenitwasnotyourbodyanymore.Theheadwasmine,andtheinsideofthebelly.Itwasveryhungryinthere.Icouldfeelitturnoveronitself.Theheadwasmine,butnottouse,nottothinkwith,onlytorememberandnottoomuchremember.

           IcouldrememberCatherinebutIknewIwouldgetcrazyifIthoughtaboutherwhenIwasnotsureyetIwouldseeher,soIwouldnotthinkabouther,onlyaboutheralittle,onlyaboutherwiththecargoingslowlyandclickingly,andsomelightthroughthecanvasandmylyingwithCatherineonthefloorofthecar.Hardasthefloorofthecartolienotthinkingonlyfeeling,havingbeenawaytoolong,theclotheswetandthefloormovingonlyalittleeachtimeandlonesomeinsideandalonewithwetclothingandhardfloorforawife.

           Youdidnotlovethefloorofaflat-carnorgunswithcanvasjacketsandthesmellofvaselinedmetaloracanvasthatrainleakedthrough,althoughitisveryfineunderacanvasandpleasantwithguns;butyoulovedsomeoneelsewhomnowyouknewwasnoteventobepretendedthere;youseeingnowveryclearlyandcoldlynotsocoldlyasclearlyandemptily.

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