Пятьдесят оттенков серого

Chapter 13

           

           “WillitmakeittoSeattle?”

           “Yes.Shewill.”

           “Safely?”

           “Yes,”Isnap,exasperated.“Okay,she’sold.Butshe’smine,andshe’sroadworthy.Mystepdadboughtitforme.”

           “Oh,Anastasia,Ithinkwecandobetterthanthis.”

           “Whatdoyoumean?”Realizationdawns.“Youarenotbuyingmeacar.”

           Heglowersatme,hisjawtense.

           “We’llsee,”hesaystightly.

           Hegrimacesasheopensthedriver’s-sidedoorandhelpsmein.Itakemyshoesoffandrolldownthewindow.He’sgazingatme,hisexpressionunfathomable,eyesdark.

           “Drivesafely,”hesaysquietly.

           “Good-bye,Christian.”Myvoiceishoarsefromunbidden,unshedtears—jeez,I’mnotgoingtocry.Igivehimasmallsmile.

           AsIdriveaway,mychestconstricts,mytearsstarttofall,andIchokebackasob.Soontearsarestreamingdownmyface,andIreallydon’tunderstandwhyI’mcrying.Iwasholdingmyown.Heexplainedeverything.Hewasclear.Hewantsme,butthetruthisIneedmore.IneedhimtowantmelikeIwantandneedhim,anddeepdownIknowthat’snotpossible.Iamjustoverwhelmed.

           Idon’tevenknowhowtocategorizehim.IfIdothisthingwillhebemyboyfriend?WillIbeabletointroducehimtomyfriends?Goouttobars,thecinema,bowlingeven,withhim?ThetruthisIdon’tthinkIwill.Hewon’tletmetouchhimandhewon’tletmesleepwithhim.IknowI’venothadthesethingsinmypast,butIwanttheminmyfuture.Andthat’snotthefutureheenvisages.

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