Chapter 12

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           Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ivoluntarilygoforarun.Ifindmynasty,never-usedsneakers,somesweatpants,andaT-shirt.Iputmyhairinpigtails,blushingatthememoriestheybringback,andIpluginmyiPod.Ican’tsitinfrontofthatmarveloftechnologyandlookatorreadanymoredisturbingmaterial.Ineedtoexpendsomeofthisexcess,enervatingenergy.Quitefrankly,IhaveamindtoruntotheHeathmanHotelandjustdemandsexfromthecontrolfreak.Butthat’sfivemiles,andIdon’tthinkI’llbeabletorunonemile,letalonefive,and,ofcourse,hemightturnmedown,whichwouldbebeyondhumiliating.

           KateiswalkingfromhercarasIheadoutofthedoor.Shenearlydropshershoppingbagswhensheseesme.AnaSteeleinsneakers.Iwaveanddon’tstopfortheinquisition.Ineedsomeseriousalonetime.SnowPatrolblaringinmyears,Isetoffintotheopalandaquamarinedusk.

           Ipacethroughthepark.WhatamIgoingtodo?Iwanthim,butonhisterms?Ijustdon’tknow.PerhapsIshouldnegotiatewhatIwant.Gothroughthatridiculouscontractlinebylineandsaywhatisacceptableandwhatisn’t.Myresearchhastoldmethatlegallyit’sunenforceable.Hemustknowthat.Ifigurethatitjustsetsuptheparametersoftherelationship.ItillustrateswhatIcanexpectfromhimandwhatheexpectsfromme—mytotalsubmission.AmIpreparedtogivehimthat?AmIevencapable?

           Iamplaguedbyonequestion—whyishelikethis?Isitbecausehewasseducedatsuchayoungage?Ijustdon’tknow.He’sstillsuchamystery.