Тонкое искусство пофигизма
Chapter 4
Mymetric:beingincontactbyphoneoremail—thisishowImeasuremysuccessasabrother.Byholdingontothismetric,Imakemyselffeellikeafailure,whichoccasionallyruinsmySaturdaymornings.
Wecoulddigevendeeper,byrepeatingtheprocess:
Whyarebrotherssupposedtohaveagoodrelationship?
“Becausethey’refamily,andfamilyaresupposedtobeclose!”
Whydoesthatseemtrue?
“Becauseyourfamilyissupposedtomattertoyoumorethananyoneelse!”
Whydoesthatseemtrue?
“Becausebeingclosewithyourfamilyis‘normal’and‘healthy,’andIdon’thavethat.”
InthisexchangeI’mclearaboutmyunderlyingvalue—havingagoodrelationshipwithmybrother—butI’mstillstrugglingwithmymetric.I’vegivenitanothername,“closeness,”butthemetrichasn’treallychanged:I’mstilljudgingmyselfasabrotherbasedonfrequencyofcontact—andcomparingmyself,usingthatmetric,againstotherpeopleIknow.Everyoneelse(orsoitseems)hasacloserelationshipwiththeirfamilymembers,andIdon’t.Soobviouslytheremustbesomethingwrongwithme.
ButwhatifI’mchoosingapoormetricformyselfandmylife?WhatelsecouldbetruethatI’mnotconsidering?Well,perhapsIdon’tneedtobeclosetomybrothertohavethatgoodrelationshipthatIvalue.Perhapstherejustneedstobesomemutualrespect(whichthereis).Ormaybemutualtrustiswhattolookfor(andit’sthere).
