Тонкое искусство пофигизма
Chapter 4
People’sperceptionsandfeelingsmaychange,buttheunderlyingvalues,andthemetricsbywhichthosevaluesareassessed,staythesame.Thisisnotrealprogress.Thisisjustanotherwaytoachievemorehighs.
Honestself-questioningisdifficult.Itrequiresaskingyourselfsimplequestionsthatareuncomfortabletoanswer.Infact,inmyexperience,themoreuncomfortabletheanswer,themorelikelyitistobetrue.
Takeamomentandthinkofsomethingthat’sreallybuggingyou.Nowaskyourselfwhyitbugsyou.Chancesaretheanswerwillinvolveafailureofsomesort.Thentakethatfailureandaskwhyitseems“true”toyou.Whatifthatfailurewasn’treallyafailure?Whatifyou’vebeenlookingatitthewrongway?
Arecentexamplefrommyownlife:
“Itbugsmethatmybrotherdoesn’treturnmytextsoremails.”
Why?
“Becauseitfeelslikehedoesn’tgiveashitaboutme.”
Whydoesthisseemtrue?
“Becauseifhewantedtohavearelationshipwithme,hewouldtaketensecondsoutofhisdaytointeractwithme.”
Whydoeshislackofrelationshipwithyoufeellikeafailure?
“Becausewe’rebrothers;we’resupposedtohaveagoodrelationship!”
Twothingsareoperatinghere:avaluethatIholddear,andametricthatIusetoassessprogresstowardthatvalue.Myvalue:brothersaresupposedtohaveagoodrelationshipwithoneanother.
