Тонкое искусство пофигизма

           Withouttrust,therelationshipcannolongerfunction.Soit’seitherrebuildthetrustorsayyourgoodbyes.

           Ioftengetemailsfrompeoplewhohavebeencheatedonbytheirsignificantotherbutwanttostaywiththatpartnerandarewonderinghowtheycantrusthimorheragain.Withouttrust,theytellme,therelationshiphasbeguntofeellikeaburden,likeathreatthatmustbemonitoredandquestionedratherthanenjoyed.

           Theproblemhereisthatmostpeoplewhogetcaughtcheatingapologizeandgivethe“Itwillneverhappenagain”spielandthat’sthat,asifpenisesfellintovariousorificescompletelybyaccident.Manycheateesacceptthisresponseatfacevalue,anddon’tquestionthevaluesandfucksgivenbytheirpartner(puntotallyintended);theydon’taskthemselveswhetherthosevaluesandfucksmaketheirpartneragoodpersontostaywith.They’resoconcernedwithholdingontotheirrelationshipthattheyfailtorecognizethatit’sbecomeablackholeconsumingtheirself-respect.

           Ifpeoplecheat,it’sbecausesomethingotherthantherelationshipismoreimportanttothem.Itmaybepoweroverothers.Itmaybevalidationthroughsex.Itmaybegivingintotheirownimpulses.Whateveritis,it’sclearthatthecheater’svaluesarenotalignedinawaytosupportahealthyrelationship.