Тонкое искусство пофигизма

           Andourrelationshipfallsapartwithoutourevenknowingit.

           Withoutconflict,therecanbenotrust.Conflictexiststoshowuswhoisthereforusunconditionallyandwhoisjustthereforthebenefits.Noonetrustsayes-man.IfDisappointmentPandawerehere,he’dtellyouthatthepaininourrelationshipisnecessarytocementourtrustineachotherandproducegreaterintimacy.

           Forarelationshiptobehealthy,bothpeoplemustbewillingandabletobothsaynoandhearno.Withoutthatnegation,withoutthatoccasionalrejection,boundariesbreakdownandoneperson’sproblemsandvaluescometodominatetheother’s.Conflictisnotonlynormal,then;it’sabsolutelynecessaryforthemaintenanceofahealthyrelationship.Iftwopeoplewhoareclosearenotabletohashouttheirdifferencesopenlyandvocally,thentherelationshipisbasedonmanipulationandmisrepresentation,anditwillslowlybecometoxic.

           Trustisthemostimportantingredientinanyrelationship,forthesimplereasonthatwithouttrust,therelationshipdoesn’tactuallymeananything.Apersoncouldtellyouthatshelovesyou,wantstobewithyou,wouldgiveupeverythingforyou,butifyoudon’ttrusther,yougetnobenefitfromthosestatements.Youdon’tfeelloveduntilyoutrustthatthelovebeingexpressedtowardyoucomeswithoutanyspecialconditionsorbaggageattachedtoit.

           Thisiswhat’ssodestructiveaboutcheating.It’snotaboutthesex.It’saboutthetrustthathasbeendestroyedasaresultofthesex.