Тонкое искусство пофигизма

           Thesettingofproperboundariesdoesn’tmeanyoucan’thelporsupportyourpartnerorbehelpedandsupportedyourself.Youbothshouldsupporteachother.Butonlybecauseyouchoosetosupportandbesupported.Notbecauseyoufeelobligatedorentitled.

           Entitledpeoplewhoblameothersfortheirownemotionsandactionsdosobecausetheybelievethatiftheyconstantlypaintthemselvesasvictims,eventuallysomeonewillcomealongandsavethem,andtheywillreceivethelovethey’vealwayswanted.

           Entitledpeoplewhotaketheblameforotherpeople’semotionsandactionsdosobecausetheybelievethatifthey“fix”theirpartnerandsavehimorher,theywillreceivetheloveandappreciationthey’vealwayswanted.

           Thesearetheyinandyangofanytoxicrelationship:thevictimandthesaver,thepersonwhostartsfiresbecauseitmakesherfeelimportantandthepersonwhoputsoutfiresbecauseitmakeshimfeelimportant.

           Thesetwotypesofpeoplearedrawnstronglytooneanother,andtheyusuallyenduptogether.Theirpathologiesmatchoneanotherperfectly.Oftenthey’vegrownupwithparentswhoeachexhibitoneofthesetraitsaswell.Sotheirmodelfora“happy”relationshipisonebasedonentitlementandpoorboundaries.

           Sadly,theybothfailinmeetingtheother’sactualneeds.Infact,theirpatternofoverblamingandoveracceptingblameperpetuatestheentitlementandshittyself-worththathavebeenkeepingthemfromgettingtheiremotionalneedsmetinthefirstplace.