Тонкое искусство пофигизма

           Unhealthyloveisbasedontwopeopletryingtoescapetheirproblemsthroughtheiremotionsforeachother—inotherwords,they’reusingeachotherasanescape.Healthyloveisbasedontwopeopleacknowledgingandaddressingtheirownproblemswitheachother’ssupport.

           Thedifferencebetweenahealthyandanunhealthyrelationshipcomesdowntotwothings:1)howwelleachpersonintherelationshipacceptsresponsibility,and2)thewillingnessofeachpersontobothrejectandberejectedbytheirpartner.

           Anywherethereisanunhealthyortoxicrelationship,therewillbeapoorandporoussenseofresponsibilityonbothsides,andtherewillbeaninabilitytogiveand/orreceiverejection.Whereverthereisahealthyandlovingrelationship,therewillbeclearboundariesbetweenthetwopeopleandtheirvalues,andtherewillbeanopenavenueofgivingandreceivingrejectionwhennecessary.

           By“boundaries”Imeanthedelineationbetweentwopeople’sresponsibilitiesfortheirownproblems.Peopleinahealthyrelationshipwithstrongboundarieswilltakeresponsibilityfortheirownvaluesandproblemsandnottakeresponsibilityfortheirpartner’svaluesandproblems.Peopleinatoxicrelationshipwithpoorornoboundarieswillregularlyavoidresponsibilityfortheirownproblemsand/ortakeresponsibilityfortheirpartner’sproblems.

           Whatdopoorboundarieslooklike?Herearesomeexamples:

           “Youcan’tgooutwithyourfriendswithoutme.YouknowhowjealousIget.Youhavetostayhomewithme.