Тонкое искусство пофигизма

           Manypeoplehaveanunshakablecertaintyintheirabilityattheirjoborintheamountofsalarytheyshouldbemaking.Butthatcertaintymakesthemfeelworse,notbetter.Theyseeothersgettingpromotedoverthem,andtheyfeelslighted.Theyfeelunappreciatedandunderacknowledged.

           Evenabehaviorassimpleassneakingapeekatyourboyfriend’stextmessagesoraskingafriendwhatpeoplearesayingaboutyouisdrivenbyinsecurityandthatachingdesiretobecertain.

           Youcancheckyourboyfriend’stextmessagesandfindnothing,butthat’srarelytheendofit;thenyoumaystartwonderingifhehasasecondphone.Youcanfeelslightedandsteppedoveratworktoexplainwhyyoumissedoutonapromotion,butthenthatcausesyoutodistrustyourcoworkersandsecond-guesseverythingtheysaytoyou(andhowyouthinktheyfeelaboutyou),whichinturnmakesyouevenlesslikelytogetpromoted.Youcankeeppursuingthatspecialsomeoneyou’re“supposed”tobewith,butwitheachrebuffedadvanceandeachlonelynight,youonlybegintoquestionmoreandmorewhatyou’redoingwrong.

           Andit’sinthesemomentsofinsecurity,ofdeepdespair,thatwebecomesusceptibletoaninsidiousentitlement:believingthatwedeservetocheatalittletogetourway,thatotherpeopledeservetobepunished,thatwedeservetotakewhatwewant,andsometimesviolently.

           It’sthebackwardslawagain:themoreyoutrytobecertainaboutsomething,themoreuncertainandinsecureyouwillfeel.