Тонкое искусство пофигизма
Chapter 5
WhenItookthatapproach,afewthingshappened.First,Ibegantoimprovemyself.Istartedexercisingandspendingmoretimewithmyfriends(whomIhadbeenneglecting).Istarteddeliberatelymeetingnewpeople.Itookabigstudy-abroadtripanddidsomevolunteerwork.Andslowly,Istartedtofeelbetter.
Istillresentedmyexforwhatshehaddone.ButatleastnowIwastakingresponsibilityformyownemotions.Andbydoingso,Iwaschoosingbettervalues—valuesaimedattakingcareofmyself,learningtofeelbetteraboutmyself,ratherthanaimedatgettinghertofixwhatshe’dbroken.
(Bytheway,thiswhole“holdingherresponsibleformyemotions”thingisprobablypartofwhysheleftinthefirstplace.Moreonthatinacouplechapters.)
Then,aboutayearlater,somethingfunnybegantohappen.AsIlookedbackonourrelationship,IstartedtonoticeproblemsIhadnevernoticedbefore,problemsthatIwastoblameforandthatIcouldhavedonesomethingtosolve.IrealizedthatitwaslikelythatIhadn’tbeenagreatboyfriend,andthatpeopledon’tjustmagicallycheatonsomebodythey’vebeenwithunlesstheyareunhappyforsomereason.
I’mnotsayingthatthisexcusedwhatmyexdid—notatall.ButrecognizingmymistakeshelpedmetorealizethatIperhapshadn’tbeentheinnocentvictimI’dbelievedmyselftobe.ThatIhadaroletoplayinenablingtheshittyrelationshiptocontinueforaslongasitdid.Afterall,peoplewhodateeachothertendtohavesimilarvalues.
