Сумерки

           Isatbackagainsttheseat,foldingmyarmsacrossmylap.Thefamiliarcitybegantorusharoundme,butIdidn’tlookoutthewindows.Iexertedmyselftomaintaincontrol.Iwasdeterminednottolosemyselfatthispoint,nowthatmyplanwassuccessfullycompleted.Therewasnopointinindulginginmoreterror,moreanxiety.Mypathwasset.Ijusthadtofollowitnow.

           So,insteadofpanicking,Iclosedmyeyesandspentthetwentyminutes’

           drivewithEdward.

           IimaginedthatIhadstayedattheairporttomeetEdward.IvisualizedhowIwouldstandonmytoes,thesoonertoseehisface.Howquickly,howgracefullyhewouldmovethroughthecrowdsofpeopleseparatingus.AndthenIwouldruntoclosethoselastfewfeetbetweenus-recklessasalways-andIwouldbeinhismarblearms,finallysafe.

           Iwonderedwherewewouldhavegone.Northsomewhere,sohecouldbeoutsideintheday.Ormaybesomewhereveryremote,sowecouldlayinthesuntogetheragain.Iimaginedhimbytheshore,hisskinsparklinglikethesea.Itwouldn’tmatterhowlongwehadtohide.Tobetrappedinahotelroomwithhimwouldbeakindofheaven.SomanyquestionsIstillhadforhim.Icouldtalktohimforever,neversleeping,neverleavinghisside.

           Icouldseehisfacesoclearlynow...almosthearhisvoice.And,despiteallthehorrorandhopelessness,Iwasfleetinglyhappy.SoinvolvedwasIinmyescapistdaydreams,Ilostalltrackofthesecondsracingby.