Цветы для Элджернона

           Iwasfuriousather,myself,andtheworld,butbythetimeIgothome,Irealizedshewasright.Now,Idon’tknowwhethershecaresformeorifshewasjustbeingkind.Whatcouldshepossiblyseeinme?WhatmakesitsoawkwardisthatI’veneverexperiencedanythinglikethisbefore.Howdoesapersongoaboutlearninghowtoacttowardanotherperson?Howdoesamanlearnhowtobe­havetowardawoman?

           Thebooksdon’thelpmuch.

           Butnexttime,I’mgoingtokisshergoodnight.

           May3

           Oneofthethingsthatconfusesmeisneverreallyknowingwhensomethingcomesupfrommypast,whetheritreallyhappenedthatway,orifthatwasthewayitseemedtobeatthetime,orifI’minventingit.I’mlikeamanwho’sbeenhalf-asleepallhislife,tryingtofindoutwhathewaslikebeforehewokeup.Everythingisstrangelyslow-motionandblurred.

           Ihadanightmarelastnight,andwhenIwokeupIre­memberedsomething.

           Firstthenightmare:I’mrunningdownalongcor­ridor,halfblindedbytheswirlsofdust.AttimesIrunforwardandthenIfloataroundandrunbackwards,butI’mafraidbecauseI’mhidingsomethinginmypocket.Idon’tknowwhatitisorwhereIgotit,butIknowtheywanttotakeitawayfrommeandthatfright­ensme.

           Thewallbreaksdownandsuddenlythereisared-hairedgirlwithherarmsoutstretchedtome—herfaceisablankmask.Shetakesmeintoherarms,kissesandcaressesme,andIwanttoholdhertightlybutI’mafraid.