Цветы для Элджернона

           Speeding,theatomsofmybodyhurtlingawayfromeachother.Igrowlighter,lessdense,andlarger...larger...explodingoutwardintothesun.Iamanexpand­inguniverseswimmingupwardinasilentsea.Smallatfirst,encompassingwithmybody,theroom,thebuilding,thecity,thecountry,untilIknowthatifIlookdownIwillseemyshadowblottingouttheearth.

           Lightandunfeeling.Driftingandexpandingthroughtimeandspace.

           Andthen,asIknowIamabouttopiercethecrustofexistence,likeaflyingfishleapingoutofthesea,Ifeelthepullfrombelow.

           Itannoysme.Iwanttoshakeitoff.OnthevergeofblendingwiththeuniverseIhearthewhispersaroundtheridgesofconsciousness.Andthatever-so-slighttugholdsmetothefiniteandmortalworldbelow.

           Slowly,aswavesrecede,myexpandingspiritshrinksbackintoearthlydimensions—notvoluntarily,becauseIwouldprefertolosemyself,butIampulledfrombelow,backtomyself,intomyself,sothatforjustonemomentIamonthecouchagain,fittingthefingersofmyawarenessintothegloveofmyflesh.AndIknowIcanmovethisfin­gerorwinkthateye—ifIwantto.ButIdon’twanttomove.Iwillnotmove!

           Iwait,andleavemyselfopen,passive,towhateverthisexperiencemeans.Charliedoesn’twantmetopiercetheuppercurtainofthemind.Charliedoesn’twanttoknowwhatliesbeyond.

           DoeshefearseeingGod?

           Orseeingnothing?

           AsIlieherewaiting,themomentpassesduringwhichIammyselfinmyself,andagainIloseallfeelingofbodyorsensation.