Цветы для Элджернона

           Incrediblethatanythingcouldhappentotakeawaythisbubblingenergy,thezestthatfillseverythingIdo.It’sasifalltheknowledgeI’vesoakedinduringthepastmonthshascoalescedandliftedmetoapeakoflightandunderstanding.Thisisbeauty,love,andtruthallrolledintoone.Thisisjoy.AndnowthatI’vefoundit,howcanIgiveitup?Lifeandworkarethemostwonderfulthingsamancanhave.IaminlovewithwhatIamdoing,be­causetheanswertothisproblemisrighthereinmymind,andsoon—verysoon—itwillburstintoconsciousness.Letmesolvethisoneproblem.IprayGoditistheanswerIwant,butifnotIwillacceptanyansweratallandtrytobegratefulforwhatIhad.

           Fay’snewboyfriendisadanceinstructorfromtheStardustBallroom.Ican’treallyblamehersinceIhavesolittletimetobewithher.

           August11

           Blindalleyforthepasttwodays.Nothing.I’vetakenawrongturnsomewhere,becauseIgetanswerstoalotofquestions,butnottothemostimportantques­tionofall:HowdoesAlgernon’sregressionaffectthebasichypothesisoftheexperiment?

           Fortunately,Iknowenoughabouttheprocessesofthemindnottoletthisblockworrymetoomuch.Insteadofpanickingandgivingup(orwhat’sevenworse,pushinghardforanswersthatwon’tcome)I’vegottotakemymindofftheproblemforawhileandletitstew.I’vegoneasfarasIcanonaconsciouslevel,andnowit’suptothosemys­teriousoperationsbelowthelevelofawareness.