Тонкое искусство пофигизма
Chapter 9
Post-tragedy,Imorphedintoanewperson:responsible,curious,hardworking.Istillhadmyinsecuritiesandmybaggage—aswealwaysdo—butnowIgaveafuckaboutsomethingmoreimportantthanmyinsecuritiesandmybaggage.Andthatmadeallthedifference.Oddly,itwassomeoneelse’sdeaththatgavemepermissiontofinallylive.Andperhapstheworstmomentofmylifewasalsothemosttransformational.
Deathscaresus.Andbecauseitscaresus,weavoidthinkingaboutit,talkingaboutit,sometimesevenacknowledgingit,evenwhenit’shappeningtosomeoneclosetous.
Yet,inabizarre,backwardsway,deathisthelightbywhichtheshadowofalloflife’smeaningismeasured.Withoutdeath,everythingwouldfeelinconsequential,allexperiencearbitrary,allmetricsandvaluessuddenlyzero.
SomethingBeyondOurSelves
ErnestBeckerwasanacademicoutcast.In1960,hegothisPh.D.inanthropology;hisdoctoralresearchcomparedtheunlikelyandunconventionalpracticesofZenBuddhismandpsychoanalysis.Atthetime,Zenwasseenassomethingforhippiesanddrugaddicts,andFreudianpsychoanalysiswasconsideredaquackformofpsychologyleftoverfromtheStoneAge.
Inhisfirstjobasanassistantprofessor,Beckerquicklyfellintoacrowdthatdenouncedthepracticeofpsychiatryasaformoffascism.Theysawthepracticeasanunscientificformofoppressionagainsttheweakandhelpless.
TheproblemwasthatBecker’sbosswasapsychiatrist.
