Цветы для Элджернона

           AsifIwereorderingmycoffin,tositinbeforeIdied.Butthen,Ican’tblamehimbecausehedoesn’trealizethatfindingoutwhoIreallyam—themeaningofmytotalexistenceinvolvesknowingthepossibilitiesofmyfu­tureaswellasmypast,whereI’mgoingaswellaswhereI’vebeen.Althoughweknowtheendofthemazeholdsdeath(anditissomethingIhavenotalwaysknown—notlongagotheadolescentinmethoughtdeathcouldhappenonlytootherpeople),IseenowthatthepathIchoosethroughthatmazemakesmewhatIam.Iamnotonlyathing,butalsoawayofbeing—oneofmanyways—andknowingthepathsIhavefollowedandtheoneslefttotakewillhelpmeunderstandwhatIambecoming.

           ThateveningandforthenextfewdaysIimmersedmyselfinpsychologytexts:clinical,personality,psycho-metrics,learning,experimentalpsychology,animalpsychol­ogy,physiologicalpsychology,behaviorist,gestalt,analytical,functional,dynamic,organismic,andalltherestoftheancientandmodernfactions,schools,andsystemsofthought.Thedepressingthingisthatsomanyoftheideasonwhichourpsychologistsbasetheirbeliefsabouthumanintelligence,memory,andlearningareallwishfulthinking.

           Faywantstocomedownandvisitthelab,butI’vetoldhernotto.AllIneednowisforAliceandFaytorunintoeachother.I’veenoughtoworryaboutwithoutthat.