Цветы для Элджернона

           Anyway,Ikeptthishandy,justincase..."Shepulledoutaheavybookendshehadwedgedbetweenthebedandthewall.

           "Iguessyoudidn’thavetouseit."

           Sheshookherhead."Boy,youmusthavelikedpeanutswhenyouwereakid."

           Shegotoutofbedandstartedtodress.Ilaythereforawhilewatchingher.Shemovedinfrontofmewithnoshynessorinhibition.Herbreastswerefullasshehadpaintedtheminthatself-portrait.Ilongedtoreachoutforher,butIknewitwasfutile.InspiteoftheoperationCharliewasstillwithme.

           AndCharliewasafraidoflosinghispeanuts.

           June24

           TodayIwentonastrangekindofanti-intellectualbinge.IfIhaddaredto,Iwouldhavegottendrunk,butaftertheexperiencewithFay,Iknewitwouldbedangerous.So,instead,IwenttoTimesSquare,frommoviehousetomoviehouse,immersingmyselfinwest­ernsandhorrormovies—thewayIusedto.Eachtime,sit­tingthroughthepicture,Iwouldfindmyselfwhippedwithguilt.I’dwalkoutinthemiddleofthepictureandwanderintoanotherone.ItoldmyselfIwaslookingforsomethinginthemake-believescreenworldthatwasmiss­ingfrommynewlife.

           Then,inasuddenintuition,rightoutsidetheKenoAmusementCenter,Iknewitwasn’tthemoviesIwanted,buttheaudiences.Iwantedtobewiththepeoplearoundmeinthedarkness.

           Thewallsbetweenpeoplearethinhere,andifIlistenquietly,Ihearwhatisgoingon.GreenwichVillageislikethattoo.