Цветы для Элджернона

PROGRESS REPORT 14

           "Dr.Portmansaid"

           "Portmansaid!Portmansaid!Idon’tcarewhathesaid!Thinkofwhatitwillbelikeforhertohaveabrotherlikethat.Iwaswrongalltheseyears,tryingtobelievehewouldgrowuplikeotherchildren.Iadmititnow.Betterforhimtobeputaway."

           "Nowthatyou’vegother,you’vedecidedyoudon’twanthimanymore...."

           "Doyouthinkthisiseasy?Whyareyoumakingitharderforme?Alltheseyearseveryonetellingmeheshouldbeputaway.Well,theywereright.Puthimaway.MaybeattheHomewithhisownkindhe’llhavesomething.Idon’tknowwhat’srightorwronganymore.AllIknowisI’mnotgoingtosacrificemydaughterforhimnow."

           AndthoughCharliehasnotunderstoodwhatpassedbetweenthem,heisafraidandsinksbeneaththecovers,eyesopen,tryingtopiercethedarknessthatsurroundshim.

           AsIseehimnow,heisnotreallyafraid,justwith­drawing,asabirdorsquirrelbacksofffromthebrusquemovementsofthefeederinvoluntary,instinctive.Thelightthroughthatdoorajarcomestomeagaininluminousvision.SeeingCharliehuddledbeneaththecoversIwishIcouldgivehimcomfort,explaintohimthathehasdonenothingwrong,thatitisbeyondhimtochangehismother’sattitudebacktowhatitwasbeforehissistercame.Thereonthebed,Charliedidnotunderstandwhattheyweresaying,butnowithurts.IfIcouldreachoutintothepastofmymemories,Iwouldmakeherseehowmuchshewashurtingme.

           Thisisnotimetogotoher.NotuntilI’vehadtimetoworkitoutformyself.

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