Цветы для Элджернона

           NowIcanseewhereIgottheunusualmotivationforbecomingsmartthatsoamazedeveryoneatfirst.ItwassomethingRoseGordonlivedwithdayandnight.Herfear,herguilt,hershamethatCharliewasamoron.Herdreamthatsomethingcouldbedone.Theurgentquestionalways:whosefaultwasit,hersorMatt’s?OnlyafterNormaprovedtoherthatshewascapableofhavingnormalchildren,andthatIwasafreak,didshestoptryingtomakemeover.ButIguessIneverstoppedwantingtobethesmartboyshewantedmetobe,sothatshewouldloveme.

           AfunnythingaboutGuarino.Ishouldresenthimforwhathedidtome,andfortakingadvantageofRoseandMatt,butsomehowIcan’t.Afterthatfirstday,hewasal­wayspleasanttome.Therewasalwaysthepatontheshoulder,thesmile,theencouragingwordthatcamemywaysorarely.

           Hetreatedme—eventhen—asahumanbeing.

           Itmaysoundlikeingratitude,butthatisoneofthethingsthatIresenthere—theattitudethatIamaguineapig.Nemur’sconstantreferencestohavingmademewhatIam,orthatsomedaytherewillbeotherslikemewhowillbecomerealhumanbeings.

           HowcanImakehimunderstandthathedidnotcre­ateme?

           Hemakesthesamemistakeastheotherswhentheylookatafeeble-mindedpersonandlaughbecausetheydon’tunderstandtherearehumanfeelingsinvolved.Hedoesn’trealizethatIwasapersonbeforeIcamehere.

           Iamlearningtocontrolmyresentment,nottobesoimpatient,towaitforthings.IguessI’mgrowingup.