Цветы для Элджернона

           Iputmyarmaroundher,butithappenedagain.IfIdidn’tgetawayquickly,Iwouldpassout.

           "Charlie,youlooksick."

           "Didyouseehim,Alice?Thetruth..."

           Sheshookherhead."No.Itwastoodark.ButI’msure—"

           "I’vegottogo.I’llcallyou."Andbeforeshecouldstopme,Ipulledaway.Ihadtogetoutofthatbuildingbeforeeverythingcavedin.

           Thinkingaboutitnow,I’mcertainitwasahallucina­tion.Dr.StraussfeelsthatemotionallyI’mstillinthatado­lescentstatewherebeingclosetoawoman,orthinkingofsex,setsoffanxiety,panic,evenhallucinations.HefeelsthatmyrapidintellectualdevelopmenthasdeceivedmeintothinkingIcouldliveanormalemotionallife.ButI’vegottoacceptthefactthatthefearsandblockstriggeredinthesesexualsituationsrevealthatemotionallyI’mstillanadolescent—sexuallyretarded.IguesshemeansI’mnotreadyforarelationshipwithawomanlikeAliceKinnian.Notyet.

           May20

           I’vebeenfiredfrommyjobatthebakery.Iknowitwasfoolishofmetohangontothepast,buttherewassomethingabouttheplacewithitswhitebrickwallsbrownedbyovenheat...Itwashometome.

           WhatdidIdotomakethemhatemeso?

           Ican’tblameDonner.He’sgottothinkofhisbusi­ness,andtheotheremployees.Andyet,he’sbeenclosertomethanafather.

           Hecalledmeintohisoffice,clearedthestatementsandbillsoffthesolitarychairbesidehisroll-topdesk,andwithoutlookingupatme,hesaid,"I’vebeenmeaningtotalktoyou.Nowisasgoodatimeasany."