Американские боги

           Nearasanyonecouldfigureitout,theexactcenterofthecontinentalUnitedStateswasseveralmilesfromLebanon,inSmithCounty,Kansas,onJohnnyGrib’shogfarm.Bythe1930s,thepeopleofLebanonwereallreadytoputamonumentupinthemiddleofthehogfarm,butJohnnyGribsaidthathedidn’twantmillionsoftouristscominginandtrampingalloverandupsettingthehogs,andthelocalsfiguredhehadapoint,sotheyputthemonumenttothegeographicalcenteroftheUnitedStatestwomilesnorthofthetown.Theybuiltapark,andastonemonumenttoputinthepark,andputabrassplaquetogoonthemonumenttotellyouthatyouwereindeedlookingattheexactgeographiccenteroftheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Theyblacktoppedtheroadfromthetowntothelittlepark,and,certainoftheinfluxoftouristsjustwaitingtocometoLebanon,theyevenbuiltamotelbythemonument.Theybroughtinalittlemobilechapelaswell,andtookoffthewheels.Thentheywaitedforthetouristsandtheholidaymakerstocome:allthepeoplewhowantedtotelltheworldthey’dbeenatthecenterofAmerica,andmarveled,andprayed.Thetouristsdidnotcome.Nobodycame.

           It’sasadlittlepark,now,withamobilechapelinitalittlebiggerthananice-fishinghutthatwouldn’tfitasmallfuneralparty,andamotelwhosewindowslooklikedeadeyes.

           "Whichiswhy,"concludedMr.Nancy,astheydroveintoHumansville,Missouri(pop.