1984

           Therigidityofhermusclesmanagedtoconveythatimpression. Shewouldlietherewithshuteyes,neitherresistingnorco-operatingbutSUBMITTING. Itwasextraordinarilyembarrassing,and,afterawhile,horrible. Buteventhenhecouldhavebornelivingwithherifithadbeenagreedthattheyshouldremaincelibate. ButcuriouslyenoughitwasKatharinewhorefusedthis. Theymust,shesaid,produceachildiftheycould. Sotheperformancecontinuedtohappen,onceaweekquiteregularly,wheneveritwasnotimpossible. Sheevenusedtoremindhimofitinthemorning,assomethingwhichhadtobedonethateveningandwhichmustnotbeforgotten. Shehadtwonamesforit. Onewas‘makingababy’,andtheotherwas‘ourdutytotheParty’(yes,shehadactuallyusedthatphrase). Quitesoonhegrewtohaveafeelingofpositivedreadwhentheappointeddaycameround. Butluckilynochildappeared,andintheendsheagreedtogiveuptrying,andsoonafterwardstheyparted. 

           Winstonsighedinaudibly. Hepickeduphispenagainandwrote: 

           Shethrewherselfdownonthebed,andatonce,withoutanykindofpreliminaryinthemostcoarse,horriblewayyoucanimagine,pulledupherskirt.I—— 

           Hesawhimselfstandingthereinthedimlamplight,withthesmellofbugsandcheapscentinhisnostrils,andinhisheartafeelingofdefeatandresentment whichevenatthatmomentwasmixedupwiththethoughtofKatharine’swhitebody,frozenforeverbythehypnoticpoweroftheParty. Whydiditalwayshavetobelikethis? Whycouldhenothaveawomanofhisowninsteadofthesefilthyscufflesatintervalsofyears? Butarealloveaffairwasanalmostunthinkableevent. ThewomenofthePartywereallalike.