1984
Chapter 4
HewasnotanylongerinthenarrowwhitecorridorsintheMinistryofLove,hewasintheenormoussunlitpassage,akilometrewide,downwhichhehadseemedtowalkinthedeliriuminducedbydrugs. HewasintheGoldenCountry,followingthefoot-trackacrosstheoldrabbit-croppedpasture. Hecouldfeeltheshortspringyturfunderhisfeetandthegentlesunshineonhisface. Attheedgeofthefieldweretheelmtrees,faintlystirring,andsomewherebeyondthatwasthestreamwherethedacelayinthegreenpoolsunderthewillows.
Suddenlyhestartedupwithashockofhorror. Thesweatbrokeoutonhisbackbone. Hehadheardhimselfcryaloud:
‘Julia!Julia!Julia,mylove!Julia!’
Foramomenthehadhadanoverwhelminghallucinationofherpresence. Shehadseemedtobenotmerelywithhim,butinsidehim. Itwasasthoughshehadgotintothetextureofhisskin. Inthatmomenthehadlovedherfarmorethanhehadeverdonewhentheyweretogetherandfree. Alsoheknewthatsomewhereorothershewasstillaliveandneededhishelp.
Helaybackonthebedandtriedtocomposehimself. Whathadhedone? Howmanyyearshadheaddedtohisservitudebythatmomentofweakness?
Inanothermomenthewouldhearthetrampofbootsoutside. Theycouldnotletsuchanoutburstgounpunished. Theywouldknownow,iftheyhadnotknownbefore,thathewasbreakingtheagreementhehadmadewiththem. HeobeyedtheParty,buthestillhatedtheParty. Intheolddayshehadhiddenahereticalmindbeneathanappearanceofconformity.
