1984

           Itwasnoteasy. Itneededgreatpowersofreasoningandimprovisation. Thearithmeticalproblemsraised,forinstance,bysuchastatementas‘twoandtwomakefive’werebeyondhisintellectualgrasp. Itneededalsoasortofathleticismofmind,anabilityatonemomenttomakethemostdelicateuseoflogicandatthenexttobeunconsciousofthecrudestlogicalerrors. Stupiditywasasnecessaryasintelligence,andasdifficulttoattain. 

           Allthewhile,withonepartofhismind,hewonderedhowsoontheywouldshoothim. ‘Everythingdependsonyourself,’O’Brienhadsaid; butheknewthattherewasnoconsciousactbywhichhecouldbringitnearer. Itmightbetenminuteshence,ortenyears. Theymightkeephimforyearsinsolitaryconfinement,theymightsendhimtoalabour-camp,theymightreleasehimforawhile,astheysometimesdid. Itwasperfectlypossiblethatbeforehewasshotthewholedramaofhisarrestandinterrogationwouldbeenactedalloveragain. Theonecertainthingwasthatdeathnevercameatanexpectedmoment. Thetradition—theunspokentradition: somehowyouknewit,thoughyouneverhearditsaid—wasthattheyshotyoufrombehind; alwaysinthebackofthehead,withoutwarning,asyouwalkeddownacorridorfromcelltocell. 

           Oneday—but‘oneday’wasnottherightexpression;justasprobablyitwasinthemiddleofthenight:once—hefellintoastrange,blissfulreverie. Hewaswalkingdownthecorridor,waitingforthebullet. Heknewthatitwascominginanothermoment. Everythingwassettled,smoothedout,reconciled. Therewerenomoredoubts,nomorearguments,nomorepain,nomorefear. Hisbodywashealthyandstrong. Hewalkedeasily,withajoyofmovementandwithafeelingofwalkinginsunlight.