1984

           Onlyfivenightsagohehadcontemplatedsmashingherskullinwithacobblestone,butthatwasofnoimportance. Hethoughtofhernaked,youthfulbody,ashehadseenitinhisdream. Hehadimaginedherafoollikealltherestofthem,herheadstuffedwithliesandhatred,herbellyfullofice. Akindoffeverseizedhimatthethoughtthathemightloseher,thewhiteyouthfulbodymightslipawayfromhim! Whathefearedmorethananythingelsewasthatshewouldsimplychangehermindifhedidnotgetintouchwithherquickly. Butthephysicaldifficultyofmeetingwasenormous. Itwasliketryingtomakeamoveatchesswhenyouwerealreadymated. Whicheverwayyouturned,thetelescreenfacedyou. Actually,allthepossiblewaysofcommunicatingwithherhadoccurredtohimwithinfiveminutesofreadingthenote; butnow,withtimetothink,hewentoverthemonebyone,asthoughlayingoutarowofinstrumentsonatable. 

           Obviouslythekindofencounterthathadhappenedthismorningcouldnotberepeated. IfshehadworkedintheRecordsDepartmentitmighthavebeencomparativelysimple,buthehadonlyaverydimideawhereaboutsinthebuildingtheFictionDepartmentlay,andhehadnopretextforgoingthere. Ifhehadknownwhereshelived,andatwhattimesheleftwork,hecouldhavecontrivedtomeethersomewhereonherwayhome; buttotrytofollowherhomewasnotsafe,becauseitwouldmeanloiteringaboutoutsidetheMinistry,whichwasboundtobenoticed. Asforsendingaletterthroughthemails,itwasoutofthequestion. Byaroutinethatwasnotevensecret,allletterswereopenedintransit. Actually,fewpeopleeverwroteletters. Forthemessagesthatitwasoccasionallynecessarytosend,therewereprintedpostcardswithlonglistsofphrases,andyoustruckouttheonesthatwereinapplicable.