1984

           Inanycasehedidnotknowthegirl’sname,letaloneheraddress. Finallyhedecidedthatthesafestplacewasthecanteen. Ifhecouldgetheratatablebyherself,somewhereinthemiddleoftheroom,nottoonearthetelescreens,andwithasufficientbuzzofconversationallround—iftheseconditionsenduredfor,say,thirtyseconds,itmightbepossibletoexchangeafewwords. 

           Foraweekafterthis,lifewaslikearestlessdream. Onthenextdayshedidnotappearinthecanteenuntilhewasleavingit,thewhistlehavingalreadyblown. Presumablyshehadbeenchangedontoalatershift. Theypassedeachotherwithoutaglance. Onthedayafterthatshewasinthecanteenattheusualtime,butwiththreeothergirlsandimmediatelyunderatelescreen. Thenforthreedreadfuldaysshedidnotappearatall. Hiswholemindandbodyseemedtobeafflictedwithanunbearablesensitivity,asortoftransparency,whichmadeeverymovement,everysound,everycontact,everywordthathehadtospeakorlistento,anagony. Eveninsleephecouldnotaltogetherescapefromherimage. Hedidnottouchthediaryduringthosedays. Iftherewasanyrelief,itwasinhiswork,inwhichhecouldsometimesforgethimselffortenminutesatastretch. Hehadabsolutelynoclueastowhathadhappenedtoher. Therewasnoenquiryhecouldmake. Shemighthavebeenvaporized,shemighthavecommittedsuicide,shemighthavebeentransferredtotheotherendofOceania: worstandlikeliestofall,shemightsimplyhavechangedhermindanddecidedtoavoidhim. 

           Thenextdayshereappeared. Herarmwasoutoftheslingandshehadabandofsticking-plasterroundherwrist. Thereliefofseeingherwassogreatthathecouldnotresiststaringdirectlyatherforseveralseconds.