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Chapter 7

           Andlikeahappychild,wantingthecompletionassoonaspossible,andknowingvaguelythatDickhadplannedforhertohaveit,shelayonherbedassoonasshegothomeandwroteTommyBarbaninNiceashortprovocativeletter.

           Butthatwasforthedaytimetowardeveningwiththeinevitablediminutionofnervousenergy,herspiritsflagged,andthearrowsflewalittleinthetwilight.ShewasafraidofwhatwasinDick’smind;againshefeltthataplanunderlayhiscurrentactionsandshewasafraidofhisplanstheyworkedwellandtheyhadanall-inclusivelogicaboutthemwhichNicolewasnotabletocommand.Shehadsomehowgivenoverthethinkingtohim,andinhisabsenceshereveryactionseemedautomaticallygovernedbywhathewouldlike,sothatnowshefeltinadequatetomatchherintentionsagainsthis.Yetthinkshemust;sheknewatlastthenumberonthedreadfuldooroffantasy,thethresholdtotheescapethatwasnoescape;sheknewthatforherthegreatestsinnowandinthefuturewastodeludeherself.Ithadbeenalonglessonbutshehadlearnedit.Eitheryouthinkorelseothershavetothinkforyouandtakepowerfromyou,pervertanddisciplineyournaturaltastes,civilizeandsterilizeyou.

           TheyhadatranquilsupperwithDickdrinkingmuchbeerandbeingcheerfulwiththechildrenintheduskyroom.AfterwardheplayedsomeSchubertsongsandsomenewjazzfromAmericathatNicolehummedinherharsh,sweetcontraltooverhisshoulder

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