Коллекционер

           Butnotthefinalthing.I’mgoingtotellhimit’smytimeofthemonth,ifhetriestogotoofar.ButIthinkhe’llbesoshockedthatIshallbeabletomakehimdowhatIwant.Imean,I’mgoingtodoalltheseducing.Iknowitwouldbeaterribleriskwithninety-ninemenoutofahundred,butIthinkhe’sthehundredth.He’llstopwhenItellhim.

           Evenifitcametothepoint.Hedidn’tstop.I’dtaketherisk.

           Therearetwothings.One’stheneedtomakehimletmego.Theother’sme.SomethingIwroteonNov.7th—"Ilovebeingtothefull,Iloveeverythingwhichisnotsittingandwatching."ButI’mnotbeingtothefullatall.I’mjustsittingandwatching.Notonlyhere.WithG.P.

           AllthisVestalVirgintalkabout"savingyourselfup"fortherightman.I’vealwaysdespisedit.YetI’vealwaysheldback.

           I’mmeanwithmybody.

           I’vegottogetthismeannessoutoftheway.

           I’vegotsunkinasortofdespair.Somethingwillhappen,Isay.Butnothingwill,unlessImakeit.

           Imustact.

           AnotherthingIwrote(onewritesthingsandtheimplicationsshriek—it’slikesuddenlyrealizingone’sdeaf),"Imustfightwithmyweapons.Nothis.Notselfishnessandbrutalityandshameandresentment."

           Thereforewithgenerosity(Igivemyself)andgentleness(Ikissthebeast)andno-shame(IdowhatIdoofmyownfreewill)andforgiveness(hecan’thelphimself).

           Evenababy.Hisbaby.Anything.Forfreedom.