Chapter 2

           October14th?

           It’stheseventhnight.

           Ikeeponthinkingthesamethings.Ifonlytheyknew.Ifonlytheyknew.

           Sharetheoutrage.

           SonowI’mtryingtotellittothispadheboughtmethismorning.Hiskindness.

           Calmly.

           DeepdownIgetmoreandmorefrightened.It’sonlysurfacecalm.

           Nonastiness,nosexthing.Buthiseyesaremad.Greywithagreylostlightinthem.TobeginwithIwatchedhimallthetime.Ithoughtitmustbesex,ifIturnedmybackIdiditwherehecouldn’tspringatme,andIlistened.Ihadtoknowexactlywherehewasintheroom.

           Power.It’sbecomesoreal.

           IknowtheH-bombiswrong.Butbeingsoweakseemswrongnowtoo.

           IwishIknewjudo.Couldmakehimcryformercy.

           Thiscrypt-roomissostuffy,thewallssqueezein,I’mlisteningforhimasIwrite,thethoughtsIhavearelikebaddrawings.Mustbetornupatonce.

           Trytrytrytoescape.

           It’sallIthinkof.

           Astrangething.Hefascinatesme.Ifeelthedeepestcontemptandloathingforhim,Ican’tstandthisroom,everybodywillbewildwithworry.Icansensetheirwildworry.

           Howcanheloveme?Howcanyoulovesomeoneyoudon’tknow?

           Hewantsdesperatelytopleaseme.Butthat’swhatmadmenmustbelike.Theyaren’tdeliberatelymad,theymustbeasshockedinawayaseveryoneelsewhentheyfinallydosomethingterrible.

           It’sonlythislastdayortwoIcouldspeakabouthimso.

           Allthewaydownhereinthevanitwasnightmare.Wantingtobesickandafraidofchokingunderthegag.Andthenbeingsick.