Коллекционер

           ThemoreIthinkaboutitthemoreIfeelsurethatthisistheway.

           Hehassomesecret.Hemustwantmephysically.

           Perhapshe’s"nogood."

           Whateveritis,itwillcomeout.

           We’llknowwhereweare.

           Ihaven’twrittenmuchaboutG.P.theselastdays.ButIthinkabouthimagreatdeal.ThefirstandlastthingIlookateverydayishispicture.Ibegintohatethatunknowngirlwhowashismodel.Hemusthavegonetobedwithher.Perhapsshewashisfirstwife.IshallaskhimwhenIgetout.

           BecausethefirstthingIshalldo—thefirstrealpositivething,afterI’veseenthefamily,willbetogotoseehim.Totellhimthathehasbeenalwaysinmythoughts.ThatheisthemostimportantpersonIhaveevermet.Themostreal.ThatIamjealousofeverywomanwhohaseversleptwithhim.Istillcan’tsaythatIlovehim.ButnowIbegintoseethatit’sbecauseIdon’tknowwhatloveis.I’mEmmawithhersillylittleclever-clevertheoriesofloveandmarriage,andloveissomethingthatcomesindifferentclothes,withadifferentwayanddifferentface,andperhapsittakesalongtimeforyoutoacceptit,tobeabletocallitlove.

           Perhapshewouldbedryandcoldwhenitcametoit.SayI’mtooyoung,hewasn’teverreallyserious,and—athousandthings.ButI’mnotafraid.Iwouldriskit.

           Perhapshe’sinmid-affairewithsomebodyelse.

           I’dsay,I’vecomebackbecauseI’mnotsureanymorethatI’mnotinlovewithyou.

           I’dsay,I’vebeennakedwithamanIloathed.