Коллекционер

           Allsortsofthings,butnotthething.Ifit’stobeforlife.

           Thenthere’shisweakness.Thefeelingthathewouldprobablybetrayme.AndI’vealwaysthoughtofmarriageasasortofyoungadventure,twopeopleofthesameagesettingouttogether,discoveringtogether,growingtogether.ButIwouldhavenothingtotellhim,nothingtoshowhim.Allthehelpingwouldbeonhisside.

           I’veseensolittleoftheworld.IknowthatG.P.inmanywaysrepresentsasortofidealnow.Hissenseofwhatcounts,hisindependence,hisrefusaltodowhattheothersdo.Hisstandingapart.Ithastobesomeonewiththosequalities.AndnooneelseI’vemethasthemashehas.PeopleattheSladeseemtohavethem—butthey’resoyoung.It’seasytobefrankandtohellwithconventionwhenyou’reourage.

           OnceortwiceI’vewonderedwhetheritwasn’tallatrap.Likeasacrificeinchess.SupposingIhadsaidonthestairs,dowhatyoulikewithme,butdon’tsendmeaway?

           No,Iwon’tbelievethatofhim.

           Time-lag.TwoyearsagoIcouldn’thavedreamedoffallinginlovewithanolderman.IwasalwaystheonewhoarguedforequalagesatLadymont.IrememberbeingoneofthemostdisgustedwhenSusanGrilletmarriedaBeastlyBaronetnearlythreetimesherage.MinnyandIusedtotalkaboutguardingagainstbeing"father"types(becauseofM)andmarryingfather-husbands.Idon’tfeelthatanymore.IthinkIneedamanolderthanmyselfbecauseIalwaysseemtoseethroughtheboysImeet.