Chapter 3

           Mywife,myMary,goestohersleepthewayyouwouldclosethedoorofacloset.SomanytimesIhavewatchedherwithenvy.Herlovelybodysquirmsamomentasthoughshefittedherselfintoacocoon.Shesighsonceandattheendofithereyescloseandherlips,untroubled,fallintothatwiseandremotesmileoftheancientGreekgods.Shesmilesallnightinhersleep,herbreathpurrsinherthroat,notasnore,akitten’spurr.ForamomenthertemperatureleapsupsothatIcanfeeltheglowofitbesidemeinthebed,thendropsandshehasgoneaway.Idon’tknowwhere.Shesaysshedoesnotdream.Shemust,ofcourse.Thatsimplymeansherdreamsdonottroubleher,ortroublehersomuchthatsheforgetsthembeforeawakening.Shelovestosleepandsleepwelcomesher.Iwishitweresowithme.Ifightoffsleep,atthesametimecravingit.

           IhavethoughtthedifferencemightbethatmyMaryknowsshewillliveforever,thatshewillstepfromthelivingintoanotherlifeaseasilyassheslipsfromsleeptowakefulness.Sheknowsthiswithherwholebody,socompletelythatshedoesnotthinkofitanymorethanshethinkstobreathe.Thusshehastimetosleep,timetorest,timetoceasetoexistforalittle.

           Ontheotherhand,IknowinmybonesandmytissuethatIwilloneday,soonorlate,stoplivingandsoIfightagainstsleep,andbeseechit,eventrytotrickitintocoming.Mymomentofsleepisagreatwrench,anagony.IknowthisbecauseIhaveawakenedatthissecondstillfeelingthecrushingblow.