Зима тревоги нашей

           Andonceinsleep,Ihaveaverybusytime.Mydreamsaretheproblemsofthedaysteppeduptoabsurdity,alittlelikemendancing,wearingthehornsandmasksofanimals.

           IsleepmuchlessintimethanMarydoes.ShesayssheneedsagreatdealofsleepandIagreethatIneedlessbutIamfarfrombelievingthat.Thereisonlysomuchenergystoredinabody,augmented,ofcourse,byfoods.Onecanuseitupquickly,thewaysomechildrengobblecandy,orunwrapitslowly.There’salwaysalittlegirlwhosavespartofhercandyandsohasitwhenthegobblershavelongsincefinished.IthinkmyMarywilllivemuchlongerthanI.Shewillhavesavedsomeofherlifeforlater.Cometothinkofit,mostwomenlivelongerthanmen.

           GoodFridayhasalwaystroubledme.EvenasachildIwasdeeptakenwithsorrow,notattheagonyofthecrucifixion,butfeelingtheblightinglonelinessoftheCrucified.AndIhaveneverlostthesorrow,plantedbyMatthew,andreadtomeintheclipped,tightspeechofmyNewEnglandGreat-AuntDeborah.

           Perhapsitwasworsethisyear.Wedotakethestorytoourselvesandidentifywithit.TodayMarulloinstructedme,sothatforthefirsttimeIunderstoodit,inthenatureofbusiness.RightafterwardIwasofferedmyfirstbribe.That’sanoddthingtosayatmyage,butIdon’trememberanyother.ImustthinkaboutMargieYoung-Hunt.Issheanevilthing?Whatisherpurpose?IknowshehaspromisedmesomethingandthreatenedmeifIdon’tacceptit.